I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
