we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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