I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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