The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I will be naked everywhere
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
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