So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
