I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
