just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize