I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am one with the molecules
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
