you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
