Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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