i don't like sucking hair
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize