I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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