my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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