I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
