Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
