I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
