I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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