Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
