last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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