You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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