Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i love accidental penises.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We are two peas in an std pod
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
