At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
