dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we're making bets on your personal life
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize