420 ftw
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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