you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
