If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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