she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
