tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
