My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
