if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
