Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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