I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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