I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i out mim tonsoeep
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
