Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize