i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize