I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
