i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
