Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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