I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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