Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
