You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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