You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
