sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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