I need help removing her.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
