You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think people are normalizing furries
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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