um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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