I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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