I'm passing your future prison.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
