I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
