it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
