she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
