You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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