life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
two words: eviction party
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
