Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
