PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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