Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
