so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
