Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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