btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
