i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Holy shit dude........stairs
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
