Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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