At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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