The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
