Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
