oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
