Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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