I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
