the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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