I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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