OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
